Mike Tyson Tattoos

Dear Vanessa,

It is with some concern that we write you. You are a busy lady, so we'll try to be brief.

It has come to our attention that your recent foray onto the red carpet revealed a young woman in distress. Fashion distress. Darling, we look at these pictures and we can only surmise that you walked into an overloaded closet, spun around a few times, and then walked out wearing whatever stuck to you. This is not the way, dear. You're famous and probably wealthy by now, so it's time you do what the famous and wealthy are required to do: stimulate the economy by hiring people who have the taste you sorely lack. They will steer you in the right direction, make introductions to designers, deal with the hassle of procuring pieces and matching them to other pieces, and if they're really good, have the clothes altered to fit your body or your preferences. What a good stylist will NOT do is put you in a high-waisted romper that makes you look like you need a good rock to rub up against so you can finally ditch your old skin, and they certainly do NOT top that off with a tablecloth from a storefront fortune teller.

It's hard, we know. But you have money now, and if you paid someone to dress you like this, then you need to hire someone else to ring their doorbell at 4 AM and then slap them soundly when they open the door. It needs to be done. And if you can find a sassy gay to do it, all the better.

And finally, kitten, we hate the very idea of bejeweled thongs as much as you apparently do, but that's no reason to wear one on your head, dear.

XO,
T Lo

P.S.: OUT!

[Photo Credit: wireimage, getty]


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Labels: Blu Moon, Fashion, In or Out, Red Carpet, Vanessa Hudgens